It’s August, so naturally I’ve been thinking about New Year’s resolutions! Slightly odd timing, I know, as it’s Summer, but I’ve always found making resolutions at the beginning of the year a slightly peculiar concept. They’re lovely, fluffy and full of good intentions – new year, new start, new me! But good intentions aren’t the same as self-discipline, and that got me thinking…
Perhaps the problem isn’t the intention itself, but the belief that something magical happens when the calendar changes. Yet we do the same thing with Monday mornings, next month, after the holiday or even that classic statement, “when work quietens down”. Here we are outsourcing change to a future version of ourselves, instead of asking what we’re prepared to do differently today.
It feels fitting to be thinking about intense change at the moment. If you follow astrology, there’s certainly plenty going on in the skies, with August experiencing two eclipses. These periods are often associated with shifts, endings and beginnings. Whether you believe the planets have anything to do with change or simply enjoy the symbolism, lasting change doesn’t have to wait obediently for January 1st. You can begin anytime, even right now.
From the outside, I look as though I have my life in pretty good order. I get up early, work hard, commit to things and generally get on with them. Give me a project I’m excited about and I can disappear into it for hours. Ask me to spend ten minutes doing something mundane that’s good for me and suddenly there are seventeen other things requiring my immediate attention.
Maintaining my own body strength is a perfect example. After decades as a dancer, I became accustomed to knowing my body could regain strength relatively quickly. Muscle memory is extraordinary and – when you’re younger – there are plenty of cheats and shortcuts you can get away with, but nobody appears to have informed my body that this arrangement wasn’t going to continue indefinitely. As I get older, strength and flexibility require something much less exciting: consistency. And that means self-discipline. Self-discipline isn’t always about knowing what to do or not having enough time. Sometimes the truth is much less interesting: I just don’t fancy doing it. Call it resistance if you like; I call it procrastinating with the very things I know are good for me.
I watched an old Western movie recently where a young recruit was told by his mentor to have discipline in all areas or he’d react from emotion – and emotions would get him killed. My first thought was, that’s a bit draconian. But annoyingly, it stayed with me. Not the getting-killed bit, obviously (!) but the question of how much our distraction and procrastination are actually within our control.
I’ve had days when I’ve looked up from the computer still in my pyjamas, having not eaten breakfast, And somehow, taking basic care of myself has become an inconvenience in my own life. Basic self-care isn’t a revolutionary act of personal development; sometimes it’s simply the fundamentals, and much of that is spectacularly mundane.
For me, this is where self-discipline separates from self-control. Self-control sounds punitive: don’t eat that, don’t do this, resist, behave yourself. Self-discipline feels different. It’s deciding something matters enough and continuing to show up for it, particularly when nobody else is checking up on you. Nobody is going to give you a gold star because you did ten minutes of strength work before opening the laptop. There is very little fanfare involved in quietly doing the things you already know support and keep you well. And that is where the work nobody sees comes in. Knowing what supports me in all areas isn’t the same as actually doing it. Addiction recovery taught me this decades ago: prioritising myself is paramount, because everything else rests on that foundation.
Maybe self-discipline is less about starting again and more about staying in relationship with yourself, by doing the small, unglamorous things consistently, even when there’s no applause, no urgency and no fresh-start new year energy carrying you along.
No gold star required. The reward is simpy to become someone you know you can rely on.
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Sometimes the things we struggle to change aren’t about self-discipline at all. When the same patterns keep returning, it may be time to explore a different path. Body and breath based somatic coaching moves the conversation beyond loops and over thinking, helping us notice what the body has been holding, repeating, or trying to communicate to you all along.