Two weeks ago, I was preparing for our very first retreat, and now it’s all over, I find myself in a mix of exhaustion, reflection and joyous wonder. It feels a little like the weeks surrounding Christmas and New Year: time slows, routine dissolves, and I’m left somewhere between reflection and anticipation. In the following days afterwards, there was still a buzz, an excitement of what we created, the debriefs, the gratitude. Then came the pause: long naps, fidgety evenings, and a resistance to honest self-reflection. Yet, during the calm, a new truth surfaced, my old identity as ‘just’ a Pilates teacher, though cherished, was no longer aligned, and in fact, was completely out of date! I have evolved, and the Pilates identity felt like wearing a coat that didn’t quite fit. Letting it go wasn’t easy, but it was conscious. I knew I had to make space for retreat life, to give this work the devotion it deserves, and build a strong foundation for what’s coming next. My body, however, didn’t get the memo. It lingered in anticipation, suspended between endings and beginnings, just as Pluto moved into Aquarius until 2044. This is a huge celestial shift marks a collective and personal rebirth. Pluto is the force of truth, power, and transformation, while Aquarius invites liberation, authenticity, and higher consciousness. Together, they ask “What are you ready to release so that something new can emerge?” This question echoed through my own process, so I chose to release Pilates with gratitude, acknowledging the seasons it has carried me through and to continue stepping into the unknown.
This last year has been a journey of complete trust in my spiritual guidance and intuition, this brought profound changes, some beautiful, some exceptionally challenging. Amid this unfolding, I recently lost a dear friend, a gifted creative spirit who had always championed me from the sidelines. His absence is a reminder of how fleeting and precious our connections are, and how much courage it takes to step fully into our own paths. While visiting his wife, a hummingbird moth appeared. In many traditions, this is a rare and powerful sign, a visit from this moth carries the presence of departed souls, and a sign of new beginnings, a delicate reminder of connection beyond the physical. For a fleeting moment, as we were mesmerized by its gentle flutter, its visit felt like a profound soul-to-soul message, urging courage, creativity, and trust in the unfolding process.
It’s dawning on me that this retreat work is no longer just something I ‘do’. It is my new path! Those fleeting moments of absolute joy, witnessing others soften and open within the sacred space we’ve created together, have meant everything in the Autumn series experience. These small insights that surfaced continue to ripple through me, allowing me to carry these energies into the year ahead. In these moments, I feel a quiet trust settling in, that my Pilates chapter is gently closing, and my new role as Retreat Leader is truly taking form. The aftermath isn’t a void, it’s fertile ground. This is a time of shedding, grounding, and trusting what’s unfolding from seeking truth outside ourselves to embodying it within us.
Now, as the Autumn Series rests and next years retreats begin to bloom, I can feel the shift from doing to being. This work, this calling, is about facing yourself fully: the messy, the beautiful, and everything in between.